Wednesday, 12 November 2008


3,30pm yesterday the tiredness kicked in, i drove home and slept for a while. I was back to bed early feeling very hot and with vivid dreams had a restless night. I slept late and haven't gone to the office.

I need to reset the focus of healing so i don't lose grip with the root, maybe as a daily ritual. Enough of verbal statements of intention and time to walk the talk. The papers have arrived to confirm the date of
surgery, so now it's not necessary to keep the front of 'normality'. It's time to switch over to the healing process that must be up and running when the blade cuts. Time to rid myself of distractions and conflicts.

Duncan sent me a recommendation -
You Can Heal Your Life - that has worked for him, so i will look at that - thanks, it looks to fit in with the route i'm looking at and i'm sure it will assist.

Today I release the need to blame anyone, including myself.

1 comment:

Jonny Cameron said...

Pat, every strike of a pad at the gym is another strike toward crushing the cancer because everyone at amag is 100% behind you. Imagine Chris Moir kicking at that thing, for example :-) I was thinking last night something Leigh Richardson once said to me - everyone has good and bad days with their training, but you improve as long as you keep at it - this can take courage and heart, something you demonstrate plenty of and inspire us to have in our training.

The future is important, and we all imagine one one way or another, but when a person has direction and knows where the future is while trusting wholeheartedly in getting there, they can only make the right decisions. Someone taught me that lesson recently, and I think it's quite profound. In practice it's like magic.

I've got a timeline, the images on it run directly through where those images i access of things that will inevitably happen occur (I want to give myself every opportunity! - but that is where the future is anyway, same place as the inevitable things). I can also hallucinate voices and sounds variously placed to motivate me toward the things on my timeline. I've even used your own encouragement in the gym as part of a motivation strategy for manifesting things on my timeline, and it works. The day after I completed Design Human Engineering with Richard Bandler, I walked into an I-hop diner in Orlando and used the process to solve a solitare puzzle without even thinking about how to do it. It took me half and hour or so, but I refused to think, and just do it, visualising success at leaving one pin on the board with no moves remaining on my timeline and hearing the the voices of encouragement and motivation. After various attempts the pattern just emerged and I solved the puzzle. I solved it at the next level also. Leaving 10 pins with no moves remaining apparently made me a 'genius' (ha ha ha, according to the game.. you should've seen me at it the week before!), but i didn't once reason it out, only hallucinated the images on my timeline rolling toward me, hallucinated the voices of encouragement all around me and took action moving the pins on the puzzle. That was my first test of whether my education had practical merit, thinking to myself, let's see if this stuff really works. It does, but it has to be practiced.

Sometimes I have a tendency not to output as much of the things I take in. But real learning comes through outputting what you input.

I couldn't learn Kali, for example, by simply reading a book. I've got to train it. Then there is transferring what you train in a drill to what you use in sparring, then from sparring to fighting for real. Same with anything I guess.


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