Thursday, 31 December 2009

Auld lang syne

Kali inspects the Aboyne Stone Circle
It's been a long year, a huge portion that I can't recall due to the medication and I'm still here.

Huge strides have been taken and I'm now about ready to propel myself into the future, a strong future.

To be here, I have been supported by many in various degrees and for that I will always be in your debt even though you gave your support without condition.

Enjoy Hogmanay and let the new year bring you wealth that only through love is worthy.

Yours truely

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
and days o'auld lang syne ?

For auld lang syne, my jo,
for auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

And surely ye’ll be your pint-stowp !
and surely I’ll be mine !
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.


We twa hae run about the braes,
and pu’d the gowans fine ;
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary foot,
sin auld lang syne.


We twa hae paidl’d i' the burn,
frae morning sun till dine ;
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
sin auld lang syne.


And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere !
and gie's a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll tak a right gude-willy waught,
for auld lang syne.


Wednesday, 30 December 2009


Been suffering with the liver in a way I haven't had for a long time. I have been sleeping a lot and it's been hard to lie on my right (liver) side. I have managed to get in to teach my classes but thats about it. I have increased my water intake and being careful what I am eating.

Out in Aboyne, I have noticed the quality of the air and it feels 'healing'. With the bad weather we haven't seen the frost lift since before Christmas with some nights dropping to around -11 degrees Celsius. Permafrost! Saying that the roads are clear and its easy to move around, you just need to wrap up. There's no breeze off the sea so it doesn't feel as cold as it does in Aberdeen.

I have discovered Paramo clothing and this stuff really works, requiring less layers than I did when wearing my Gortex.

Hogmanay tomorrow and we have guests coming out to the house, so we look forward to that!

Pablo Picasso said ...

"My mother said to me, 'If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.' Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso."

What will you fill in this blank with when you look back on your life?

If you choose to be re-born, you can be anything you want.

But remember that Picasso also said ...

"Action is the foundational key to all success."

Friday, 25 December 2009

Merry Kalistmas

The River Dee 10am

Whilst celebrating the festival of Winter Solstice was akin to our ancient ways, the imposing Christians put Christmas day as near as hell to it (and bang on the Roman solar holiday Dies Natalis Solis Invicti) to which the vest majority here in the UK have grown up to recognise this as way to get the family together and be thankful for our wealth. The Julian calendar has it as the 7th January but we use the Gregorian calendar so hence the 25th.

This year Caz, Kali and I have celebrated in a new house. I can't recall last Christmas as i was still recovering from surgery and high on morphine but, whilst I'd started the I will Survive mantra, I guess I wouldn't have laid goods odds on making it this far. You can see by this post last Christmas that I was laying the right foundations but it wasn't till October that this tipping point was reached.

I owe the change to a lot of good friends who gave me strength, who have been there or who have helped in any way however big or small. For this I consider myself a wealthy man and so I can truly be thankful today of all days.

Its been a busy week with all the bad weather and hustle and bustle of this time of year. At the weekend we were up in Inverness, traveling in all the blizzards and it seems so long ago already. Kali has been lying protecting the tree with her presents around it, she's like a little child and sure enough she stuck her nose into every parcel this morning. The video clip says it all!

So I'm thankful for the health I have and the health I will have. After this Annus horribilis I can only see a more positive future. So let us raise our glasses, mugs of tea or whatever and join in a toast to the riches that are around us that money simply cannot buy! Amen

Thursday, 17 December 2009

The Paulsonator

Erik coming to town is always a marvelous experience. In the midst of a house move it made it the more interesting.

Erik and Tonya were up at the house to chill out and Tonya likes to see Kali. For me, it was a great opportunity to ask Erik about the best way to adopt his curriculm requirements at the school. We watch some fights and discuss training methods and tactics.

The seminar went well, ending up with all the students in the ring working boxing drills. The ammount of information, technique and advice was immence. There's enough information for students to take and utilise for a year. Early into the late hours Erik and I were watching fights and discussing martial arts.

Seeing them off is always sad. I had wanted to go to Ayr and take in the next seminar as well. This wasn't realistic at this stage of my fight and I had a fighter getting ready for a MMA fight as well as a house move.

Friday consisted of driving through freezing fog to Bathgate, hanging around in a freezing fight venue all for 6 minutes of fight action. Neil Cushnie was competing. He had trained for a previous show but was not matched. At short notice he was in good shape to step up and take the task and did so without hesitation.

I recall some 3 years ago, Neil was helping me moving rubble from our old Justice Mill Lane gym and expressed his desire to fight one day. I am sure Neil wont be embarrassed to hear that he is certainly no hard man and the idea of him being a fighter would have been laughed off by many.

At AMAG though, we have the culture of anything being possible. Neil achieved his dream and at the end of the fight the achievement dawned on him. He hadn't expected to win because he has always been told that he wasn't an achiever. Neil has stuck two fingers up at them and has proved to himself that he doesn't need to be chained to other people pulling him down. You can watch his fight here.

There are a multitude of examples at AMAG and each one of them fills me with pride and satisfaction. I may not have been able to be as active this year but next year I will be turning up the intensity as i return to good health, but having developed so many good students I know they also carry these values.

Establish right relationship with man first


You will never find it if you seek it. You will never find it if you run after it. You will never find it if your intention is in seeing the beauty of the earth, in seeing the light on the water, in seeing the perfect line of a mountain, and you hope through seeing, to find that. You will never find it because you cannot find that through anything, through your sacrifice, through your worship, through your meditation, through your virtue. You will never come upon it because your motive is all wrong, because you want to find that, not in living, but somewhere else. You must establish right relationship with man first, which means you must know what it means to love, what it means to be compassionate, what it means to be generous when you have a great deal, what it means to share with another the little that you have, to establish this marvellous order in living, daily living. - Krishnamurti in India 1970-71, p157

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

MRI results and Edinburgh's reaction

Apologies for the lack of posts but we have been moving out to the countryside and the internet access was shut down for a week. Its been a busy week and a half but before I cover those bases I want to share the results of the MRI scan and what we have heard from the Edinburgh Transplant Team.

The scan measured the lesion to have reduced again to 3.1 x 3.4 cm!

Furthermore it was established that there is only ONE lesion!

Now they want to again look at the first CT scan and the latest MRI and the Liver Doctor is saying he's getting very positive vibes. What these experts will decide may be a transplant or radio frequency, but they will determine the end of the tumour.

Now, in the next few days I'll cover what else is going on but that news alone should be covered in one post!

Man exists for only one purpose


Students as well as teachers must work together to bring about the release of this tremendous energy to find reality, God or truth. Your parents and teachers, like the rest of society, have not perceived that man exists for only one purpose, which is to find reality or God. If even a small group of educators were to understand and give their whole attention to that search, they would create a new kind of education and a different society altogether. - This Matter of Culture, p.188

Monday, 7 December 2009

MRI scan

Had my MRI scan this morning.
You have to hold your breath in an enclosed space whilst the machine whirs and make noise that sounded like the Gabba Techno my son used to listen to at one point.
[Originated in Holland, gabba means “buddy” in Dutch. Gabba is Dutch, four-beat hardcore. Hard as hell and fast, fast, fast, featuring distorted 240 beats per minute kick drums and big bass drum sounds.]
All in all it took over 30 minutes in which they put a dye into your blood. The ears hurt the most from the noise!

These results will determine my future treatment.

Tomorrow Erik Paulson, accompanied by his wife Tonya, will arrive to teach at the gym. A true legend and an inspiration in my life, Erik's visit will be great! Even the dog will enjoy their presence!

Religion is the cessation of the 'me'


Have we shared this together? Because it is your life, not my life. It is your life of sorrow, of tragedy, of confusion, guilt, reward, punishment. All that is your life. If you are serious you have tried to untangle all this. You have read some book, or followed a teacher, or listened to somebody, but the problem remains. These problems will exist as long as the human mind moves within the field of the activity of the self; that activity of the self must create more and more and more problems. When you observe, when you become extraordinarily aware of this activity of the self, then the mind becomes extraordinarily quiet, sane, healthy, holy. And from that silence our life in everyday activity is transformed. Religion is the cessation of the “me”, and action born of that silence. That life is a sacred life full of meaning.
This Light in Oneself, p 77

Wednesday, 2 December 2009

The Roller coaster

Monday morning I awoke after a mammoth sleep. You know how it is. You are under the warm duvet and you spread yourself right across the bed, half dozing. It was bliss. I stretched my left arm and the right arm like a giant starfish. My right leg, then my left leg and then SUDDENLY i had a fierce cramp cutting right into my left calf.

This is the life i lead at the moment. Its very much a roller coaster and one day you can be on top of the world and the next you crash and burn. With the moving into the new house ongoing, its tiring me out on top of the other duties but I wouldn't choose to stop it. WE'll get there.

"Most of us go through life as failures, because we are waiting for the "time to be right" to start doing something worthwhile. Do not wait. The time will never be "just right." Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along."

This coming Monday I have an MRI scan booked, the results of which will be sent down to the Liver Transplant Team in Edinburgh who should then be in a position to determine the course of action in the new year. Que sera, sera.

"Whatsoever the mind can conceive and believe ... it *can* achieve." Napoleon Hill
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