Wednesday, 31 March 2010

The Otherside

We are now into day 4, and it has been a long 3 days.
After about a 8 hour operation, Pat was taken back to Intensive Care where he was kept sedated until last night, this was due to the fact that the stomach area was too swollen for surgeons to sew him back up at the time. So for the last 2 days he has been on a ventilator, kidney dialysis machine to help the kidneys to function, as they can be in a bit of shock, many various drips and machines.
Yesterday late afternoon they took Pat back down to theatre to sew him up :).
During the night they have slowly taken him out of sedation and off the ventilator. They are getting happier with the liver results and how it's settling into its new home :)
Again I would like to say a huge thankyou to everyone for their kind wishes and your support during his illness, hopefully now onwards and upwards xxxxx Caz

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

other side

Its been a long 2 days, where Pat has been operated on and has been under sedation ever since. After the 8 hours or so operation there was too much swelling around the abdomen for surgeons to be happy sewing him up, so they packed him ice packs, or something, and kept him under sedation so they could monitor him easier.
Its now 14.30 on day 3 and I'm waiting for the phone call to say he has been sewn up and is back in the HDU.
All test and signs are good so far but its only the nurse in the unit who have given me information

Sunday, 28 March 2010

Phone call

Just received the phone call, Waiting for the ambulance to take me to my new liver. Should be operated on about 2pm as long as new liver is ok.
See you on the other side!

Friday, 26 March 2010



Im under 13 stone! I recall training around 1989 usually 3 or 4 sessions a day, including a lunchtime session with Mohssen who was getting ready for the Knockdown British Championships which he went on to win.

I was a mountainbike courier for Wolfpack - a co-operative that we had set up and so was on the bike all day. Id work on the bar and/or nightclub door at night and run home afterwards. I couldnt get below 12.5 stone.

I have got rid of a lot of redundant muscle mass so when i get back to full fitness I'll be starting with a fresh canvass! Im eating well, small portions but all the boxes are ticked. Ive just about cleared my cough and sinus issue, although Caz is still struggling.

"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."

Caz's father, Hamish, has recently appeared on Countdown, to be aired on the 6th. Dont worry, I'll be recording it for prosperity as well as for any boo boos he commits!

Meanwhile there is a SIX letter option on this one!
Countdown: Rachel Riley

Countdown: Rachel Riley winces as she puts up the letters

Countdown co-presenter Rachel Riley was left cringing on Tuesday's show after the F-word popped up on the letter board, report the Sun and Star. Host Jeff Stelling grinned when he noticed that the letters U, D, F, C, K, and E spelled out a six-letter version of the swearword. The contestants prevented any embarassment by opting for the five-letter words "Faced" and "Caged" instead. Meanwhile, the dictionary team picked the seven-letter "Dockage" and "Dogface".



The other day as one was walking along a secluded wooded lane far from the noise and the brutality and the vulgarity of civilization, right away from everything that was put together by man, there was a sense of great quietness, enveloping all things - serene, distant and full of the sound of the earth. As you walked along quietly, not disturbing the things of the earth around you, the bushes, the trees, the crickets and the birds, suddenly round a bend there were two small creatures quarrelling with each other, fighting in their small way. One was trying to drive off the other. The other was intruding, trying to get into the other's little hole, and the owner was fighting it off. Presently the owner won and the other ran off. Again there was quietness, a sense of deep solitude. And as you looked up, the path climbed high into the mountains, the waterfall was gently murmuring down the side of the path; there was great beauty and infinite dignity, not the dignity achieved by man that seems so vain and arrogant. The little creature had identified itself with its home, as we human beings do. We are always trying to identify ourselves with our race, with our culture, with those things which we believe in, with some mystical figure, or some saviour, some kind of super authority. Identifying with something seems to be the nature of man. Probably we have derived this feeling from that little animal. - Krishnamurti to Himself Ojai California Tuesday 10th March, 1983

Tuesday, 23 March 2010

cough cough

Suffering from sinus congestion which is causing a cough. This in turn is giving regular headaches and tiring me out. Still, could be worse....

The prescription got messed up for the Sorafenib, so i have not had any for a week, which does give withdrawal symptoms that coupled with the coughing has not been nice. My weight has stabilized around 83.5kg.

Dog On Trampoline! - Watch more Funny Videos

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Weight Drop

When i was admitted to hospital they weighed me in my clothes whilst i sat in a scales chair. I was at 92kg, so reckon 91 would be a more accurate weight.

Today i weighed 83.4 kg, some 9 days later. My belly has disappeared. To give you a visualisation, have you ever seen a drinker who is quite thin but has a prominent beer belly poking out the front? That is the fluid retained by a dysfunctional liver.

that fluid has now left its vessel, to such an extent that I struggling to get energy right now. I am trying to eat more - i can only handle small portions - but spreading it out through the day.

I am not nervous, anxious or stressed out by the phone ringing. I find myself calm. After all, I have been through a major operation before and I came out still ill but still fighting. They threw everything but the kitchen sink at me then and so I don't think this could be as traumatic as then. Besides i can deal with it.

Think back to moments in your life in which you were totally happy and fulfilled. Psychologist defined it as the mental state of operation in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing via a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity.

Take a moment and fully contemplate the meaning of those words. Full immersion and full involvement. This is attention. A state of being conscious of every detail as it flows past.

Monday, 15 March 2010

.....not yet!

; )

Saturday, 13 March 2010

On the list

They said I could give up at any time, that I wouldn't beat the machine, but they ended up turning the machine off

Well that's me on the list, it was confirmed about 4pm on Friday but I'd felt I'd won it earlier on. I had to do a fitness test on the friday morning on the bicycle, linked up to a computer. The Dr overseeing the testing said at one point that I should give up when I felt ready, and a couple of minutes laughed that I wouldn't beat the machine. He turned it off two minutes later.
Then I had a meet with the surgeon. He was very much disengaged from personality but in the end he was chatting with me freely. I knew then I had his vote. Their major concern is me jumping back into physical training too quickly. I dealt with that.

There was a consideration that as i have a ticking time bomb in my body that they would simply take the first liver regardless of condition, even one they would normally refuse but after a call to BUPA, it was confirmed that my Sorafenib medication would be extended for 6 months. This allows them to make sure i don't get a liver with a tumour in it or with any other disease.

I saw two people during my stay who have both had transplants so I learnt a lot from them, one of which had returned to competitive contact sport withing 18 months. They say it takes a year to really recover and I am not allowed to travel abroad before then.

So thats it! I cant go further than an hour from my house and the tendency is that the phone call will come after 8pm. An ambulance will be dispatched and about 6am I will be operated on, an 8 hour operation. There is the chance that I will wake up and it has not happened as the liver was refused as being poor quality. I'll have to deal with that when it happens.

"Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more

experiments you make, the better."

Wednesday, 10 March 2010

day 3

Happy Birthday to my sister. 21+vat!!

I have had breathing tests which I did well and an ECG. Caz and I had a discussion with a transplant coordinator who told us the facts of being on the list.

When I get a call they will send the ambulance to me. I will be prepped for surgery but I could wake up with a new liver or not if it's not considered suitable. That must be hard!

Afterwards I could be in hospital for 10 days to 5 weeks. After getting home I have to attend clinic weekly to monitor my state. As time goes on the intervals increase. I will feel my optimum after 1 year and I can't travel abroad till then.

Each case is individual so these are guidelines. Tomorrow I'll see psychiatrists etc and get my endoscopy. Friday I get a fitness test on a stationary bike and I'll hear the decision late afternoon.

I came in bloated and they weighed me at 92kg. Tonight I'm at 88 and you can see the water retention has decreased.

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Day 2

It's was a long day yesterday. Getting here I was immediately swarmed upon and I saw a dietician and a Transplant Consultant. She explained the parameters of the weeks assessment and laid out the bare facts that there are not enough livers out there to serve the ammount looking for one.

I was wisked away for a MRI scan where they injected me with an iron solution to get a better image of the liver.

Visitors came to see me including Caz, so that was great. I didn't get a great sleep though. I'm in a 4 man ward and one person has had a kidney transplant and is drinking about 4.5 litres a day which means he gets up for the toilet and turns the light on every time.

Another admission came in for a hernia but he's in with us because he's had a liver transplant 10 years ago. It has been great to hear his story as he returned to competitive rugby a year after the op. Fate brought us together and his story balances the over cautios nature of the medical advise.

I was meant to have an endoscopy today to check on the varicies in the esophagus. It has been delayed till Thursday maybe. They have till Friday tea time after all.

Sunday, 7 March 2010

Off to Edinburgh

Well that's me off to Edinburgh. Caz joins me tomorrow and I'll be in for the week, hopefully set free on Friday. This is the starting point where I will be put on the list and a cure will not be far away.

We had a good run down to Lanark yesterday, a 12 hour stint for a 4 minute fight. Allan pulled it off but there's a lot to learn from this fight for him.

I think the rest in hospital will be much needed

Caz and I got a wee housewarming gift from everyone at AMAG and so I would like to take this opportunity to say thanks.

"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love."

Tuesday, 2 March 2010


The Doctor changed my medication and suddenly the clouds have parted and the sun shies through! Since the festive period i have been uncomfortable but the simple addition of the beta blocker has suddenly taken away the huge strain i felt i was under! What a difference.

With it being a week away from my stay at Edinburgh Royal Infirmary (ERI), I'm putting pieces in place to make sure everything is ok whilst I'm away being assessed. After that I will be on call and could be away at any moment, which will see me being bed bound for upto 6weeks - 2 in hospital and then recovery at home. So at Home, at work and in the school I am putting the required pieces in the right places.

We went down to Northampton at the weekend to the UFA camp hosted by Ewen Campbell and run by Marc McFann. Marc arrived with his partner Jennifer on Tuesday in Aboyne. teaching to a full turnout on Tuesday, Wednesday was more about battling the elements such as the snow.

Sifu McFann Teaches at AMAG

A full car load down to Northampton saw us join the Unified Fighting Arts (UFA) family once again and a great weekend of instruction took place and I was awarded my Full Instructorship and Black Belt by Sifu McFann. Quite a surprise and something I shall treasure always. I first trained with Marc in 94 and hes been a regular to my school in Aberdeen since 96. He has been a good influence and has opened my eyes to a lot more than simply martial arts.

What is truth? - JKOnline Daily Quotes

What is truth?


When the mind realizes the limitation, the narrowness, the finiteness of thought, then only it can ask the question: what is truth? Is this clear? I do not accept truth given by philosophers - that's their game. Philosophy means love of truth, not love of thought. So there is no authority - Plato, Socrates, Buddha, but Christianity has not gone into that very deeply. They have played with words and symbols, made a parody of suffering and all the rest of it. So the mind rejects all that. - Saanen 1st Public Talk 13th July 1975
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