Thursday, 28 January 2010

Off To Edinburgh

Within 12 hours I have discussed with the Transplant Surgeon what he wants to do and in that action I have introduced myself to his world.

The result of this is that he started to hum and har over when they could fit me in and I interjected that I would be down in Edinburgh the following weekend. Immediately he said that they will fit me in on the Thursday or Friday and this morning it was confirmed that on Friday 5th Feb I will have an Endoscopy.

The endoscopy will be used to get a biopsy of the second growth to acertain whether it is HCC or benign. Of course it's going to be benign and once those results are in I will be put forward for transplant.

Today Im alert and energised, almost the first time this month. This is it guys, its all down hill from now on - just you wait and see. By the 3rd quarter this year I'm going to be a different monster, cured and working myself back to fitness and better health.

Caz's birthday on Saturday, we can enjoy this moment a bit more now!

Tuesday, 26 January 2010


News at last. I'm now to communicate with the leading specialist in Edinburgh.

It confuses me when i get told one thing then I hear almost a contradiction. I was told that I only had one lesion but it would appear that there is a second 'something' but they are not able to identify it.

So if it is benign or no even not a tumour then I will be put forward to the Transplant Team for consideration.

If it is HCC then there will be no transplant and we will take another course of action.

What I am assured by friends knowledgeable in this area is that I'm now under one of the leading authorities in this area.

What will be happening is that I will undergo a biopsy to ascertain the condition of the 'other growth'. When this will be I don't know, but I'm ready to get my ass down to Edinburgh as soon as required.

This is a tipping point, one that will take me out of my doldrums and propel me into what will be a great February!

Lou Reed has written hundreds of songs, he worked extensively with Andy Warhol, and is widely recognized as a great artist. You've probably heard some of this songs without even knowing it.

Here are some things he said that might give some clues into how he was able to be so crazy-productive:

"There's only X amount of time. You can do whatever you want with that time. It's your time."

"Me, I've concentrated on music pretty much to the exclusion of other things."

"I'm in this business for too long to be half-hearted about anything."

"I try very much, whenever I do projects, whatever it is, there's only one thing on my mind, only one thing."

Saturday, 23 January 2010

Address to a Haggis.

Address to a Haggis.

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy of a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o need,
While thro your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An cut you up wi ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive:
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
The auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
'Bethankit' hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout,
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi perfect sconner,
Looks down wi sneering, scornfu view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither'd rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit:
Thro bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll make it whissle;
An legs an arms, an heads will sned,
Like taps o thrissle.

Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies:
But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,
Gie her a Haggis!


paunch, guts





well swollen
bellies, soon





weak, rush

fist, nut



tops, thistle


Friday, 22 January 2010

Blue Monday

As you know I am not one to moan here. I don't indulge in self pity as it simply doesn't bring any rewards worth having. I have to say though that its been an awful two weeks for me.

I feel run down, struggling when I am tired with a heavy chest and coughing fits. I have been cramping up throughout the day and night and the weather hasn't helped.

We still have not heard anything from Edinburgh. Waking up every day involves the act of taking the two Sorafenib and I was nauseous this morning when I took them. I understand when people just say they are tired of the fight. So why have we not heard anything? I guess the positive is that they haven't rejected me.

The car died as a direct result of the heavy floods, where after water got in and damaged the electrics. 3 years without issue and the car dies just when I'm about to renew. So I have had an extra stress in getting about that has only added to my discomfort.

Officially this is the worst week of the year and the most depressing. Monday was known as Blue Monday and boy have I been feeling it. I'm bloated and yet I don't eat a huge amount. This is depressing and with the energy sapped you feel like your are at the bottom of the pit.

By tomorrow I will have changed this and turned it into positives, reframing the depression into more positive thinking. Ill work some yoga and silat, maybe some stick and we'll see friends on Robbie Burns day! I guess though what I'm trying to say is that don't assume that those positive people with a fight on their hands don't have bad days or weeks.

"I write for the same reason I breathe - because if I didn't, I would die." Isaac Asimov.

We do not listen - JKOnline Daily Quotes

We do not listen


We do not listen. There are too many noises about us; inside us, there is too much talk, too much questioning, too much demanding, too many urges, compulsions. We have so many things and we never listen to any one of them completely, totally, to the very end. And if you would kindly so listen, you will see that, in spite of yourself, the mutation, that emptiness, that transformation, the perception of what is true, comes into being. You don't have to do a thing, because what you do will interfere, because you are greedy, you are envious, you are full of hate, ambition, and all the mischief that thought can make. So if you can listen happily, effortlessly, then perhaps in the quiet, deep, silence you will know what is truth. And it is only that truth that liberates, and nothing else. That is why you must stand completely alone. You cannot listen through another; you cannot see with the eyes of another; you cannot think with the thoughts of others. But yet you listen through others, see through the activities, through the saints, through the dictum of others. So if you can put away all these secondary things, the activities of others, and be simple, quiet, and listen, then you will find out. - J. Krishnamurti, Bombay, 1st March 1964

Sunday, 17 January 2010


forgot to mention that Caz competed in the Scottish Open in BJJ on Saturday. lost by an armbar but won the silver medal!

Well done girl!


Funny old week. It's been one where no longer had i said i'd not had cramps I've been plagued with them. My stomach has been bloated and I have been tired. I have boosted my hours at work but the problem seems to be more in the digestion process. I will have to be strict on the diet side of things.

It's been a bit of a thaw here and with the rain all roads became rivers. I hit a pool and the car didnt half move...laterally.

really hoping to hear something soon. i feel like im in limbo. i cant organise things until; i know what course is being steered.

Adults in Scotland are drinking the equivalent of 46 bottles of vodka each in a year, a study has suggested. Now I don't drink and I know that Caz doesn't drink Vodka so someone out there is drinking our share! 3 bottles of voddie a week! No wonder there's no livers for transplant!

"Liverpool fans sing a song about Chelsea having no history. Of course it is false - it's just that Chelsea's history is not as illustrious as Liverpool's.
It would be equally stupid for Chelsea fans to sing that Liverpool has no future. Of course Liverpool has a future. It's just that it is not as illustrious as Chel
sea's." Comment on The Independent website.

Q: Who's the nicest man in a hospital?
A: The ultra-sound man

Q: Who covers his shifts while he's away?
A: The hip-replacement guy.

Friday, 15 January 2010


The Red Cross and Save the Children have put out an Appeal for the disaster in Haiti! Click on the above picture to go to the appropriate page.

What your donation could buy:
  • £20 — 3 tarpaulins or plastic sheets to provide basic shelter to protect families
  • £40 — 24 buckets to help families carry clean water
  • £50 — 21 mosquito kits to protect children from malaria
  • £500 — 20 student kits, containing notebooks, plastic water bottles, rucksacks and stationery
  • £1000 — 80 hygiene kits with essentials such as soap, detergent, toothpaste and toothbrushes
  • £5000 — shelter repair kits for 142 families whose homes have been damaged by the earthquake

With the images being seen on the media, I cannot find it appropriate to discuss my issues concerning my predicament on this post

Wednesday, 13 January 2010

The Hospital Visit

The Dr was quite happy with my condition despite some concerns for the Kidney that will be picking up some toxicity from the Sorafenib. Urine and blood tests were taken to check this out.

She feels confident that Edinburgh will soon be in touch and explained that the Transplant Teams have changed their criteria to take account of patients who have responded to the new drug treatments now available. From what I can gather I am one of the only ones to have taken Sorafenib and respond in such a manner, where most look to elongate existence for a month or two. This is why they are looking favourably at me and so it shouldn't be long before we hear if surgery or intrusion will be the recommended course of action.

If they should though decide that they will not involve themselves in my treatment, then she has started to put together a request to the NHS to continue Sorafenib after the Bupa financing runs out next month. She is confident that this would be looked on favourably.

We now wait on Edinburgh

Opening the door to creation


Learning in the true sense of the word is possible only in that state of attention, in which there is no outer or inner compulsion. Right thinking can come about only when the mind is not enslaved by tradition and memory. It is attention that allows silence to come upon the mind, which is the opening of the door to creation. That is why attention is of the highest importance. Knowledge is necessary at the functional level as a means of cultivating the mind, and not as an end in itself. We are concerned, not with the development of just one capacity, such as that of a mathematician, or a scientist, or a musician, but with the total development of the student as a human being.
How is the state of attention to be brought about? It cannot be cultivated through persuasion, comparison, reward or punishment, all of which are forms of coercion. The elimination of fear is the beginning of attention. Fear must exist as long as there is an urge to be or to become, which is the pursuit of success, with all its frustrations and tortuous contradictions. You can teach concentration, but attention cannot be taught just as you cannot possibly teach freedom from fear; but we can begin to discover the causes that produce fear, and in understanding these causes there is the elimination of fear. So attention arises spontaneously when around the student there is an atmosphere of well-being, when he has the feeling of being secure, of being at ease, and is aware of the disinterested action that comes with love. Love does not compare, and so the envy and torture of `becoming' cease.
J. Krishnamurti Life Ahead Saanen 4th Public Dialogue 3rd August 1974.

Saturday, 9 January 2010

Step Change

There has definately been a step change. It's hard to describe but I'm able to do more during the day and whilst it still tires me, I'm not sufferring as much memory loss or confusion that the drugs did bring on. I do feel better, operating at 60% as a rough guide and this weather does sap you at times.

I have started doing three rounds of 3 minutes. Just padwork and at first the discomfort in my core was painful but today's pads didn't have the discomfort as my body starts to deal with it. More importantly there are no more cramps! Not to the same extent as previous attempts to exercise brought on.

Over the Christmas period, the liver did play up and I was in severe discomfort, sleeping more but also being ratty. Snappiness is a result of poor liver condition. That has passed right now.

My Soarfenib is about to run out and I have rung asking for a new prescription, but the Dr wants to see me first. I see this in a positive light. There is only one month left I think on the availability of Sorafenib and we await the recommendation from the Edinburgh Transplant Team. With the tumour in such decline and with other intrusions likely to bring it's demise, is there any need to continue Sorafenib?

If the weather shows us anything, it highlights how some people are totally incapable of taking responsibility for themselves. While I watch Man Utd and Arsenal fail to challenge Chelsea who's game was cancelled due to the snow, I have to wonder why the powers that be declare it unsafe for people to attend sporting events, effectively closing them down, and yet I dont see them closing shopping centres, especially the big ones outside cities. Are the dangers not the same?

We are scared of taking responsibility at times in case we get sued. Those who seek the litigiousness society are handicapping the rest of us and are more of a threat to our freedom than any religious fanatics who gain sensationalist headlines. If people sue the local council they are taking the money which helps look after our elderly and take the money away from resources that could help us all.

I feel that this blog's treasure is that I have taken responsibility for my illness and have worked with the experts in all areas and made decisions and behaved in a way that brings us to a successful conclusion. There's been no self indulgent moaning. Ive shared many tears but I've never really brought that here. If 20ten is to be anything then I hope its an era where people start taking responsibility for their actions rather than simply leaving it to someone else to decide.

Monday, 4 January 2010

20ten Snow pictures

Saturday 2nd

Snowball fight

Will Chris dare to throw that snowball at Kali?

Goodness has no opposite

Goodness has no opposite. Most of us consider goodness as the opposite of the bad or evil and so throughout history in any culture goodness has been considered the other face of that which is brutal. So man has always struggled against evil in order to be good; but goodness can never come into being if there is any form of violence or struggle. - Letters to the Schools vol I

Friday, 1 January 2010

Welcome to 20ten!

May this year be your best yet!

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