Struggling

I am struggling at the moment.

I sought of forgot that i was still at the start line, in fact moving further away from it in the sense that i still have a growing tumor and an under performing Liver. The scar is almost healed up on the outside, but inside its still working to nature's plan. Healing takes time.

I tire quickly, to the point i was at before the surgery, which is not suprising since i am still at that place. Thankfully we should be starting the Sorafenib next week, at a time when Bob Spour is visiting, so i can revitalise my visualisation, reset the timeline.

I'm taking the milk thistle along with the Cynara and Dandelian root. The three herbs are hepato-protective and will also encourage regenration at cellular levels. I have the wheatgrass, lifeforce mixture. I'm drinking fluids and juicing. There's no alcohol and nothing impacting on the burdoned liver. I have changed to goats cheese, moving further away from dairy. I notice the difference with that.

i'd set myself up to think that surgery would be the solution, but while i understand the fact that it failed, it is almost that i'm stuck in the pre op mentality. So i seem to be less flexible with the change of circumstance. I'm fed up really.

Little things start to niggle. The recording of the UFC failed, so i want to look for a DVD hard drive which will allow for the Setanta card so i can watch the sports selection and record without disk failure.

Chels travel to Liverpool for todays 4pm kick off. I've been there so many times, coming away feeling that its been ripped from our grip unfairly mostly, so i defer to the mentality of hype of a magnificent victory that will settle us up in second place.

It's cold today, a bitter Easterly wind bring a sharp siberian flavour. When i come out of this it's going to be warm, spring time. A time for being reborn. I'll get there.