Erik and Tonya are due in and i'm buzzing. tried to sleep this morning and got an hour. Nurse changed the dressing and i've taken vitamins to try and aid the healing as the liver being underpower is slowing the healing.
So Erik and tonya came around and we had a nice afternoon. This came after a visit from Kenny, my line manager at Subsea7 which was good.
We ate, we talked, we laughed, we watched erik's new dvd, and it was a great visit that really raised my spirits. I will miss tonight's seminar but will see the video later. Thanks guys!
ive started feeling my liver, if i jolt the body i thought it was bruised ribs but it must be an inflamed liver. It's letting me know it is still there- don't worry i wont forget you buddy! You are very important to me!
Tuesday, 9 December 2008
Monday, 8 December 2008
Monday morning nightmare
Was sent to the hospital, do not pass GO! nor collect £200 by the district nurse who was concerned with my wound opening. She had changed the dressing and then suddenly she's wanting me to go to hospital so that was a bit of a shock.
The hospital it was then and a surgeon came and looked at the wound, he was satisfied with it but then it transpired that the Nurse had said i had MRSA. The surgeon went to speak with the Infection Lab and they have advised to stop the antibiotics i was taking as the wound is healthy but the body's natural defense to MRSA was being affected by them. So i guess no more indegestion which was a sympton of the medicine.
So im back home, exhausted. the wound is healing slowly but well enough, but it will most likely mean that the chemotherapy will have to wait, which means i have extra time to work on the liver being fit and strong!
Yesterday i had been tired after an excellent Saturday and spent most of the day snoring away. Tomorrow will be a good day!
The hospital it was then and a surgeon came and looked at the wound, he was satisfied with it but then it transpired that the Nurse had said i had MRSA. The surgeon went to speak with the Infection Lab and they have advised to stop the antibiotics i was taking as the wound is healthy but the body's natural defense to MRSA was being affected by them. So i guess no more indegestion which was a sympton of the medicine.
So im back home, exhausted. the wound is healing slowly but well enough, but it will most likely mean that the chemotherapy will have to wait, which means i have extra time to work on the liver being fit and strong!
Yesterday i had been tired after an excellent Saturday and spent most of the day snoring away. Tomorrow will be a good day!
Saturday, 6 December 2008
When Saturday Comes
Good day today.
the nurse came early and changed the dressings. The wound may yet open up 75% but its healing from inside well. Just kills my topless modeling career stone dead. Watching Jimmy Carr on telly last night didn't help as it was quite literally splitting my sides with laughter!
Any of you on gmail or mac dot com can talk with me over the video cam and i have regular chit chats with Billy Hosie in Sydney and Rey Diogo in LA. Bob Spour is joining in with the fun and he regularly contacts me to keep my mind in the right frame. Thanks Bob!
Tony and Angie came past and spent the afternoon chatting. Neighbours dropped in and took Kali for a walk. Chelsea won in a fantastic game against Bolton. It's only 5pm!
Erik Paulson in a couple of days!
- Watch more amazing videos here
the nurse came early and changed the dressings. The wound may yet open up 75% but its healing from inside well. Just kills my topless modeling career stone dead. Watching Jimmy Carr on telly last night didn't help as it was quite literally splitting my sides with laughter!
Any of you on gmail or mac dot com can talk with me over the video cam and i have regular chit chats with Billy Hosie in Sydney and Rey Diogo in LA. Bob Spour is joining in with the fun and he regularly contacts me to keep my mind in the right frame. Thanks Bob!
Tony and Angie came past and spent the afternoon chatting. Neighbours dropped in and took Kali for a walk. Chelsea won in a fantastic game against Bolton. It's only 5pm!
Erik Paulson in a couple of days!
- Watch more amazing videos here
Friday, 5 December 2008
Yesterday was a bad day. It came after a high on Wednesday where i felt lively. Yesterday i was bloated, a side effect of the drugs, and this puts pressure on the wound. This has now started to open and so the nurse is putting care that no infection gets in. I hardly moved around yesterday.
I had a visit from Heather(AMAG) and George Scott (Subsea7) which made me pull myself up a bit and that helped. Poor Caz had a full day, from tidying the house to going to covering reception at the gym and teaching. In amongst this i felt a bit of a useless lump and depression set in.
I've refocussed today and await the nurse to change my dressings. I'm going to work some pilates later on. Caz's mum and gran have come through and have taken Kali out for a walk.
Peter, a brown belt in BJJ and runs the Jitsudo club through AMAG, told me about Largarto a BJJ black belt who had chemo and then went and won Gold in a competition in Brazil. These are role models that endure the therapy.
The gym will be graced with a new logo mat at reception this weekend and Kali gave it her seal of approval. I also include the is photo of Bob Spour with slippers on at the recent seminar! Made me laugh!
I had a visit from Heather(AMAG) and George Scott (Subsea7) which made me pull myself up a bit and that helped. Poor Caz had a full day, from tidying the house to going to covering reception at the gym and teaching. In amongst this i felt a bit of a useless lump and depression set in.
I've refocussed today and await the nurse to change my dressings. I'm going to work some pilates later on. Caz's mum and gran have come through and have taken Kali out for a walk.
Peter, a brown belt in BJJ and runs the Jitsudo club through AMAG, told me about Largarto a BJJ black belt who had chemo and then went and won Gold in a competition in Brazil. These are role models that endure the therapy.
When the Dr came in on Wednesday, we discussed my liver and where i said the chemo will look after the tumor but the strength of the liver is the focus of my attention. She said that the chemo will be hard on me, to which i replied that it might be hard on other people but it wont be for me. Her attitude changed and started talking to me with a much more positive attitude. Positivity attracts positivity, there may be down days but you can always pick yourself up.
The gym will be graced with a new logo mat at reception this weekend and Kali gave it her seal of approval. I also include the is photo of Bob Spour with slippers on at the recent seminar! Made me laugh!
Wednesday, 3 December 2008
Wednesday's woes
The wound has opened a bit so I'm on anti-biotics. We are keeping the mst going for the time being till the wound heals but i'll be glad when thats stopped as i dislike drowsiness.
No word from the hospital yet as for the next appointment and clarification of the next step, but that will come.
I look forward to seeing Erik and Tanya Paulson next week.
No word from the hospital yet as for the next appointment and clarification of the next step, but that will come.
I look forward to seeing Erik and Tanya Paulson next week.
My thoughts help me create the perfect working environment.
Tuesday, 2 December 2008
I have my Art
For those of you who read this and are surprised by the martial art content, let me take you to an article by a friend and someone i have learnt more than he knows from, Marc Denny. The Article talks about when someone killed themselves, giving in to the pressure or stress of life.
What we have at AMAG is a selection of martial arts that are not eclectic but that have a synergy. You see, arts really only differ due to their environment and that also includes rules. Some therefore are combat related arts, some are sport related. Each has its own set of 'clothes' in that they like to dress themselves up to look different but, at the core of this, all the arts are the same.
where all the arts' circles meet is where Truth is, for it exists in all
i have the empty inner circle in my school badge, because that's you. that's you who has to bring them all together. I refer to this as Jeet Kune Do, the art identified with Bruce Lee and Dan Inosanto.
So when there is a problem in developing myself in one art i can train in another art and can still deal with that issue but look at it from a fresh perspective. I recall trying to get students in 1992 to learn some Jun Fan trapping and they couldnt get it, so i spent three months teaching them stickwork and when we went back to the trapping they could do it.
When i have the issue of little c (as i called it a few posts back) then i do the same in that i look at it from a different perspective. i dont stay with one authority as theres a lot of dressing up done to make them "individual", most of which is bs. What they all tell you, when you look through the different authorities, is that your attitude is the number one factor.
So you have your art, you are never alone.
The District Nurse took out the staples today. On the right side of the 17.5" scar it hasn't fully bonded and its very ticklish right now. She comes back tomorrow and will bring the GP who will decide what to do with the painkillers. Whilst i know its easing the pain, the doped up feel from the morphine is not a welcome guest. Still no news about the time of my appointment with the specialist.
Caz's friend Susan gets buried today. I would like to be there but it's not to be. She pushed the timeline longer than they gave her and enjoyed her final year with her familly.
My son came round with his 20 year old chaos and i expect to see his children growing up around me in years to come. My timeline is for years to come yet.
What we have at AMAG is a selection of martial arts that are not eclectic but that have a synergy. You see, arts really only differ due to their environment and that also includes rules. Some therefore are combat related arts, some are sport related. Each has its own set of 'clothes' in that they like to dress themselves up to look different but, at the core of this, all the arts are the same.
where all the arts' circles meet is where Truth is, for it exists in all
i have the empty inner circle in my school badge, because that's you. that's you who has to bring them all together. I refer to this as Jeet Kune Do, the art identified with Bruce Lee and Dan Inosanto.
So when there is a problem in developing myself in one art i can train in another art and can still deal with that issue but look at it from a fresh perspective. I recall trying to get students in 1992 to learn some Jun Fan trapping and they couldnt get it, so i spent three months teaching them stickwork and when we went back to the trapping they could do it.
When i have the issue of little c (as i called it a few posts back) then i do the same in that i look at it from a different perspective. i dont stay with one authority as theres a lot of dressing up done to make them "individual", most of which is bs. What they all tell you, when you look through the different authorities, is that your attitude is the number one factor.
So you have your art, you are never alone.
The District Nurse took out the staples today. On the right side of the 17.5" scar it hasn't fully bonded and its very ticklish right now. She comes back tomorrow and will bring the GP who will decide what to do with the painkillers. Whilst i know its easing the pain, the doped up feel from the morphine is not a welcome guest. Still no news about the time of my appointment with the specialist.
Caz's friend Susan gets buried today. I would like to be there but it's not to be. She pushed the timeline longer than they gave her and enjoyed her final year with her familly.
My son came round with his 20 year old chaos and i expect to see his children growing up around me in years to come. My timeline is for years to come yet.
Monday, 1 December 2008
Visualise don't sympathise
If you are new to the blog maybe you haven't read about the previous posts where i visualise where i am going to be in Spring. Take a look through because it's important as to know what to say to me or to anyone else in this situation.
An old friend calls up and says he's sorry. I know he's trying to sympathise but it's not what i need. I don't need sympathy, there are hospital wards and pubs full of people who want that. You are not to blame and the process of blame is a distraction - a waste of energy - on what is the most important, getting back to the quality of life i will achieve.
I don't know about the treatment yet to happen, but when someone tells me their pal got really sick then its time to hit the DELETE button. I'm not your pal, I'm not any ones statistic and i know that the chemo will fry the tumor, so I'm focused on the image of being fit and strong so that i can cope with it. I see my liver being healthy.
Two phone calls, one where Bob tells me to see myself daily as the person in full health. Another where someone feels it difficult to know what to say but sorry. I appreciate both calls but the first one does me good, the second i DELETE. So if you know someone with an issue, keep their mind in the frame where they see themselves as strong. Ring again mate, be at ease!
Words are a weapon that can construct and destruct.
Its been a boring day in that i can not move around a lot - staples come out tomorrow - and i am trying not to be too doped up. Its cold outside and reading is difficult with the morphine in me. So with all the things i want to do, little is done. I'm going to spend a little while thinking of the time when i did something great and then I'm going to see myself today as that person. Not as a sick grumpy auld bugger!
Remember i said my ankles were bloated, they aren't anymore! I can see the shin bone sharp again. I'm visualising when i was at Camp 3 years or so ago in LA with Tim Harding holding the focus mitts, and i had a ripped groin still repairing, but i smashed those pads in front of Guros video camera that Tim said it was the first time in years he'd been lifted off his feet by the power.
Thats where i see myself and to that state i will return. How do you see yourself?
An old friend calls up and says he's sorry. I know he's trying to sympathise but it's not what i need. I don't need sympathy, there are hospital wards and pubs full of people who want that. You are not to blame and the process of blame is a distraction - a waste of energy - on what is the most important, getting back to the quality of life i will achieve.
I don't know about the treatment yet to happen, but when someone tells me their pal got really sick then its time to hit the DELETE button. I'm not your pal, I'm not any ones statistic and i know that the chemo will fry the tumor, so I'm focused on the image of being fit and strong so that i can cope with it. I see my liver being healthy.
Two phone calls, one where Bob tells me to see myself daily as the person in full health. Another where someone feels it difficult to know what to say but sorry. I appreciate both calls but the first one does me good, the second i DELETE. So if you know someone with an issue, keep their mind in the frame where they see themselves as strong. Ring again mate, be at ease!
Words are a weapon that can construct and destruct.
Its been a boring day in that i can not move around a lot - staples come out tomorrow - and i am trying not to be too doped up. Its cold outside and reading is difficult with the morphine in me. So with all the things i want to do, little is done. I'm going to spend a little while thinking of the time when i did something great and then I'm going to see myself today as that person. Not as a sick grumpy auld bugger!
Remember i said my ankles were bloated, they aren't anymore! I can see the shin bone sharp again. I'm visualising when i was at Camp 3 years or so ago in LA with Tim Harding holding the focus mitts, and i had a ripped groin still repairing, but i smashed those pads in front of Guros video camera that Tim said it was the first time in years he'd been lifted off his feet by the power.
Thats where i see myself and to that state i will return. How do you see yourself?
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