Wednesday, 29 July 2009


After a couple of weeks with out Sorafenib, primarily due to my inability to keep a check on stocks coinciding with the holiday season, I'm now back on the two tabs a day routine and it's taking it's toll.

I'm starting to forget things again and sleep more. Even after the mistake of running out of Sorafenib, I've now run out of the other drugs but should get the repeat prescription today or tomorrow.

Whilst being off the Sorafenib I have bloated up with fluid retention which has been disconcerting as it makes me feel lethargic. I sit now at 87.5kgs.

I had a poor sleep last night interrupted by vivid dreams. During the time on morphine I'd had a horrible dream where i was involved in a nasty situation and last night that came back to me. So much so that i was trying to work out this morning when i first awoke whether it was a real event or not. It wasn't but such was the confusion I wasn't sure. As i kept slipping back into sleep the horror of the dreamstate dragged me into uncomfortable places.

So my head was foggy this morning but the cure was on hand. The Triumph roared without hesitation and the ride to the office was exhilarating and blew the cobwebs away. Now to play with my invisible iPhone! - Daily Quote

Do it, and you will see

Questioner: Sir, if there is no effort, if there is no method, then any transition into the state of awareness, any shift into a new dimension must be a completely random accident, and therefore unaffected by anything you might say on the subject.

Krishnamurti: Ah, no, sir! I didn't say that. [Laughter] I said one has to be aware. By being aware, one discovers how one is conditioned. By being aware, I know I am conditioned - as a Hindu, as a Buddhist, as a Christian; I am conditioned as a nationalist: British, German, Russian, Indian, American, Chinese - I am conditioned. We never tackle that. That's the garbage we are, and we hope something marvellous will grow out of it, but I am afraid it is not possible. Being aware doesn't mean a chance happening, something irresponsible and vague. If one understands the implications of awareness, one's body not only becomes highly sensitive, but the whole entity is activated; there is a new energy given to it. Do it, and you will see. Don't sit on the bank and speculate about the river; jump in and follow the current of this awareness, and you will find out for yourself how extraordinarily limited our thoughts, our feelings, and our ideas are. Our projections of gods, saviours, and Masters - all that becomes so obvious, so infantile.

The Collected Works, Vol. XV - 138

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