Its been a day in bed, feeling rather poorly. These days hit you out of the blue and there's no pattern to it. I'll be alright tomorrow but after participating in the BJJ on Saturday I hoped to take part tonight. This tumours may be on the way out, but it's going to go kicking and screaming! Not to be with training today then, that day will come though.
When i was in my late teens I was heavily influenced by a band called Crass, to the extent that i toured around with them helping and learning about PA's and Sound Engineering. I brought this knowledge back to Aberdeen and set up the Music Support Group which was then copied throughout Youth Work places in the city. Some of these still exist.
We'd put the money we raised from gigs into paying local musicians to teach young unemployed how to play guitar, drums etc. You see, you don't have to live to stereotype, you can achieve anything and you merely need to go for it. With the way our society is, there's many young people who don't get this and leave school believing that they are no good as that's all they were told.
It doesn't matter at what age you are, you can change and do what you dream of. Its just a question of identifying what your dreams are, beyond the barrage of materialistic icons that we are told we must have to be fulfilled.
My life went from the music support group into martial arts and despite the different medium, my life's work is the same. People achieve and can make their choices for themselves, regardless of whether i agree or not. They just need to have the strength to take responsibility for their own actions.
Thats what i have done with my illness, i've taken responsibility for my own situation and i'm going to change it. Many simply give up. Not me.
This is a documentary with people who never told me i was wrong, who allowed me to participate and don't judge. Some of it isn't pleasant but you have to understand that the end of the 70's and the early 80's wasn't a pleasant time for many.
Prayer obviously produces results; otherwise millions wouldn’t pray. And in praying, obviously the mind is made quiet; by constant repetition of certain phrases, the mind does become quiet. And in that quietness there is a certain intimation, certain perceptions, certain responses. But that is still a part of the trick of the mind because, after all, through a form of mesmerism you can make the mind very quiet. And in that quietness there are certain hidden responses arising from the unconscious and from outside the consciousness. But it is still a state in which there is no understanding. And meditation is not devotion—devotion to an idea, to a picture, to a principle—because the things of the mind are still idolatrous. One may not worship a statue, considering it idolatrous and silly, superstitious; but one does worship, as most people do, the things in the mind—and that is also idolatrous. And to be devoted to a picture or an idea, to a Master, is not meditation. Obviously, it’s a form of escape from oneself. It’s a very comforting escape, but it’s still an escape. The Collected Works vol V, p 361